The Labyrinth

This month has been full of lies and pretenses. Many times, I thought that they’re finally over, that we’ve completely gotten through. But then again, I was wrong. I always had to be wrong! Argh!

After all that’s said and done, somehow, things are back to the way they’ve always been. Okay, there are some changes. It’s more complicated and perplexing right now.

Yes, we’ve realized a lot of things—I know I have. Yet, despite all the realizations, things somehow got stuck along the way. And now, it’s like we’re in a maze—trying to figure a way out but we can’t. There were times I thought I already saw the light. But when I got there, I find myself still surrounded by walls.

For the nth time, I pushed Ahia away. Not because I wanted to. Believe me, I don’t. But it’s the right thing to do. And choosing the right thing should always come first before the thing we want. Shouldn’t it?

And accordingly, I’ve turned myself as numb and as cold as I could. I took many deep breaths. kept my tears from falling, and said words I know I’d regret. After all the honesty and openness, I’m back to my world of make-believe—a world where everything seems to be tough and resilient and strong. On the outside, that is. But inside, it’s vulnerable and helpless and weak. And if caught unguarded, the whole make-believe world crumbles and shatters into pieces. After that, I’ll be lost again.

Sigh…. I really wanna get out of this mess. But how can I? After all the running I’ve done, I’m still here—back to where I started!

Is there even a way out?!